Dilemma

Holiday of a lifetime booked, in eight short days we have a week alone as a couple, first time in eight years, first time with no children, should be utter paradise ... yet I can feel the car crash coming, the tension brewing.

Already looking for the escape, came so close on Thursday to splitting up, being free, but what if it's purely the illusion of freedom I crave, is it worth tearing the familyapart for? For what, memories of lust touching my skin, penetrating my deepest desires, or is a true need to damage many lives forever?

And I do love him, always will, but there is, and always has been something missing, something 'he' had, something I crave at a primal level that I know I can't live the rest of my life without.  Something I think my partner understands but doesn't know how to deal with. Yet, as a mother, this desire feels extraordinarily selfish and abhorrent, impossible even. I rationalise surviving another ten years, try to focus on the positive aspects, have more unsatisfactory sex, minismise 'him' as just the after effects of a crush.  The affair was an explosive release after years of frustration, and when discovered a lid was quickly put on it, although the pressure is building more quickly this time, bubbling ferociously under the surface...

How long can I keep this supressed?

Fuck me with your fingers

Throw me back on the bed

Bite my neck

Force my legs apart with your strong knee

Grind your knee into my cunt 

Teeth pulling my nipples into your mouth

Tell me how you're going to fuck me

Tell me how dirty you feel

How much you want to take me

Pin my wrists above my head

Suck and bite my nipples

All the time grinding hard against me

Force me to suck your cock

Fuck my face mercilessly

Come on my face and tits

Roughly pull off my jeans

Force two fingers hard into my soaking wet cunt

Feel me cumming instantly all over your fingers

Throbbing and pulsing

Squeezing you

Fuck me harder with your beautiful fingers x

Tied up

Would be nice to know your secret, I am still going out of my fucking mind with desire. Latest image I can't get out of my head is you bound and perched on a chair, gorgeous erection visible in the he semi-shadows of the hotel room,,,

I have barely entered the door of the hotel room when you pounce, kissing me deeply, biting my lip, showing me exactly how much you want me, a taste of all the pleasure to come.  I start to lose myself as I kiss you right back, it would be so easy to let you take control, but I remember my plan...  

Your hands on my shoulders, you push me against the wall. 
 "I want to tie you up" I whisper as you kiss my neck.  Your  body stiffens, you pull back, taking my hair in both hands, looking me in the eyes questioningly.  "I'm serious.... let me show you."  I can see it will take a little persuasion to fasten your hands behind your back with the silk scarves. 

I run my hands over your chest, undoing your shirt buttons, drinking you in as I expose your sweet flesh.  Following eagerly with my lips, nibbling, licking, working my way down.  I work the shirt off your unmistakeable bulge, groaning into your mouth as you throb against me.

"Turn around" I say, smiling mischievously.

I trace from your neck all the way over your strong shoulders, down your arms, then manipulate your hands behind your back, crossed at the wrists. I pull the silk scarves from my pocket and twist repeatedly around your wrists, nice and tight.  "That's better!"

I step back and admire my efforts, not bad for the first time.  My pussy is pulsing at the sight of you, helpless to touch me. I rub my hands up your thighs, and over your arse, murmuring appreciatively, before reaching round to unbuckle your belt and undo the buttons of your jeans

"Dirty boy" as your jeans slip down this is the first time I've known you not to wear underwear.  I scratch my nails into your arse cheeks, and down to your inner thighs, lightly caressing under your balls I can only imagine your cock twitching and I feel more wetness spreading against my silk panties.  I resist the urge to reach and stroke you.  "Don't move now..."

You can hear as I lift my top over my head, my jeans thud to the floor.  Standing behind you in just my fuck-me knickers I' resolve to take my time, despite my growing urgency to ride you.  As I take in that gorgeous view, I run my fingers across my cunt and rub my clit slowly, fuck that's delicious.  I pour massage oil into my hands and breasts, then push my breasts into your back as I reach round to stroke your chest, lightly digging into your nipples, scratching down your belly, up and down your thighs, then your gasp as I take your cock firmly into my slippery hands and slowly stroke you all the way up and down, grazing my teeth against your shoulder.

"Ah... fuck!" I squeeze harder, maintaining the same slow deliberate rhythm, both hands, twisting and rubbing your head, all the way back down your shaft, slightly faster, enjoying the low groan escaping your lips.  "Turn around and look at me... I want to see your cock"  The lust in your eyes penetrates me as I feast on your gorgeous cock, greedily sucking you deep into my mouth, loving the taste and smell of you...

I stop and push the hotel chair against the wall, directly opposite the mirror. 
"Sit down and spread your legs..."  I kneel before your and graze my nipples over your cock, rubbing my tight, small breast up and down, my fingers working your thighs, desperate to have you inside me. I take your cock back into my hand, wanking you and licking you, cupping your balls, rubbing your cock head over my lips, pushing you into my mouth, sucking harder and faster, feeling you raise your hips to fuck my hot mouth, tasting your salty pre-cum... "Fuck me" I ignore you, sucking you deep into my mouth, hands under your arse, letting you fuck my face.  I want to taste your cum... "Fuck me"

You groan as I pull you out of my mouth, swirling my tongue over you.  "No fair"  I slide my hand inside my knickers, absolutely soaking wet, and push my dripping fingers into your lips.  You suck and lick my fingers  "More"  I stand up, rubbing myself through my panties, nipples erect, giving you a show, and getting really into the sensations, already so close to cumming.  An evil though crosses my mind.. shall I leave you hanging while I cum right in front of you? I swear you can read my mind as you start to stand up, "Not so fast mister" 

I climb on top of you, kissing your lips, biting you, aware of the heat from your cock, dangerously close. Your breath is coming hard and fast as your cock strains to touch me.  I straddle you, pussy just out of reach, then barely sliding the damp silk against your rock hard cock as I tease you, working top to toe, kissing you, biting your lip, sucking your ears, touching your face, biting your neck, grazing your shoulders, nails, lips and tongue down your chest and back, down your stomach, licking and nibbling your thighs, bathing your cock with my tongue.

I stand up on the chair, one leg on the arm, hands against the wall and lean over your face, letting you untie the ribbons hungrily with your teeth, leaning over you and grinding my clit into your mouth until I feel my legs start to shake, then lowering myself onto your waiting cock,
my hand gripping your hair hard as I slide down hard to the base.

You can see my reflection sliding up and down on your cock, pussy lips clinging to you, soaking you.

I can't taken it slow any more, I need to fuck you into oblivion, slick and slippery as you pump into me, you can feel me squeezing and clenching around you, gasping, moaning, using you for my own pleasure now, throwing my head back and screaming. Rubbing my clit hard as you pump your hot spunk into me again and again and again.... fuuuckkkkkkkkkkkk x

Cravings

Aargh! Very nearly texted him (again) last night. Haven't done that since about June, and held out over a month on emails now.  Really should have a bit more dignity. Oh fucking hell! All it seems to take is a few glasses of wine and, or even, a few hours alone, and back come all the hot, explicit memories in excruciating detail.  How long will it take to get over this? Mind you, I don't want to lose the memories, just the shameless urges to get in touch...

I could do with some aversion therapy, or some sort of serious reality check.

If he wanted me, he would be in touch.  Or if I really wanted him I would be single. I tell myself it's a crush, pure lust that can't last... of course the feelings were overwhelming, I was finally fucked properly for the first time after years of rejection and crushing loneliness, he could have been anyone, it's certainly not enough to sacrifice my children's happiness and stability for, he was on a 'married dating' website for fuck's sake, then I rationalise with 'I don't want commitment, just some more unadulterated fucking, just that next step further...'

Ah, please just a bit more dignity and self-respect! What doesn't help is the alleged, polite reason why we can't fuck any more - guilt. His guilt over me getting caught (he was single).  Which is ironic, as the very last time we met, a few weeks after I had been caught - I felt no guilt whatsoever.  Slipped straight back into normal life without any tremors.  All the other times I struggled severely both before and after.  Afterwards was always so bittersweet, that toxic, powerful combination of sensual pleasure, that feels so fucking right - heightened by a guilty conscience.  But the last meeting - amazingly, no guilt.

Maybe it's because I revealed after the first round of explosive fucking that I had been found out following the previous meeting a few weeks before, and that drama eclipsed the guilt?

It was one of the hottest days of the year, following intense anticipation I had been delayed on the motorway and when I finally arrived we wasted no time. No awkwardness on arrival, just 'hello' then delicious, hungry kissing, standing at the foot of the bed.  He turned me round to face the mirror, I could feel him hard pushing into my back. He ran his hand up my leg, under my skirt and was delighted to quickly discover, as promised, that I had no panties on and we licked, sucked and fucked with sheer abandon in front of the large mirror at the end of the bed. We were both hot and exhausted, dripping in post-coital sweat, yet I felt an icy cold grip across my chest as I sat up, faced him to reveal, explain and answer his questions.  Perhaps I already knew I would lose him, but I had to be honest.  I remember having a drink, naked, in silence, thinking this is it, who will go first?  He was fairly angry, concerned for his personal details, worried how much was known.  It didn't sink in when I said that he couldn't care less, didn't want to know anything, and wouldn't be seeking vengeance.  I think there may have been another story there, will never know.

We watched some crap television, didn't go anywhere, panic subsided and a tangibly altered state of normality resumed. Slowly, carefully, his interest grew, his cock growing harder and more erect as he traced the curves of my body with exquisite soft touches. My hand slowly touching his chest as he caressed my neck and shoulders.  He shifts position to take in my body with his eyes, tracing across the curves my breasts, down my belly, the slight curve of my waist, my hips, back up and over my arms, my breathing shallower, faster, already aroused and ready.

Deliberately stroking my thighs, insistently and suddenly parting them, I can feel his strong gaze as he slides a finger between my lips, up and down, before entering my tight, very wet pussy, betraying my silence and stillness.  I can't speak, can't move, I surrender completely, his to take exactly as he pleases.  He's looking so intently as he spreads my wetness over my lips, up to my clit, adding another finger, then oh so slowly pushing in again. This time I can't help but emit a low moan, and he looks, breaking his gaze as if distracted, his eyes acknowledging my reactions and bare naked lust, before single-mindedly returning to stimulating my eager cunt. Watching his fingers slide in deeper, stroking my g-spot, so fucking sexy.

I watch his erect cock throbbing, and I want to suck him hard into my mouth. I want him to say filthy things as he hooks his fingers to my g-spot, other hand rubbing my clit, tasting me from his fingers before adding his saliva to my juices. I’m soon lost to my desire again, all control gone, a gasping, throbbing mess. Its evident he want me to cum over his fingers, I want to fuck him but have absolutely no say in what’s happening. It feels too good, that’s it, don’t stop, he feels my hot cunt twitch as I moan and buck against his hand, still watching closely and then, oh, I’m cumming hard, really hard and he doesn’t stop and its almost too much, but it’s beautiful, complete, pure orgasmic bliss, never missing a beat or losing contact. He slows down, still stroking and barely fucking me with his fingers, then he drags me to the edge of the bed, places a pillow under my hips, spreads my legs wide and that delicious cock is pushing against me, teasing my clit, spreading the wetness all over the head before pushing into me hard and deep...  


Fuck, I don't know what's worse, the agony of trying to get over this or the agony or knowing I can never relive these moments?

One new message

Series of text messages, following an absence of about six weeks... culminating in an extremely intense orgasm (or two!)...

What do you want to do with me?

Everything.  Just every possible position, every possible way of fucking you and making you come…Just leaving you shaking and breathless… and glad you met me

Already glad I met you regardless, you had me shaking in London and getting breathless now, remember the last time you fucked me, in the morning from behind, kneeling, haven’t come that long and hard in years… when next?

We can sort something out… during the day? Just trying to balance keeping things safe and spending an afternoon running my cock and tongue all over you

God your tongue… how will I sleep?

You’ll find a way… I am right now! Thank god I can text with one hand!

(not safe to carry on, went to bed feeling electric and desperate to be that hand!)

……

(the next morning - first thing)

Ah, couldn’t carry on.  Went to sleep aroused and aching and woke up the same way.

Aw! It’s a wonder you got any sleep so!

….

(later that day)

Just thinking you may not want to shag me now, the hairs grown a bit, look teacher-y

Geography teacher or English? Makes all the difference... Doesn’t get dark til late now either

Got hot teacher fantasy stirring now

Possibly English teacher.  No cardigan though, or elbow patches. Mmmm daylight fucking… we like that

Cardigan is definitely geography, English teacher look should work.  Sorry getting lost in thought now

Penny for them…

Kissing… lips, tongue, finding you again, hands on your face, through your hair, on your neck, rising urgency but taking our time

You are a great kisser, just picturing us with our lips and tongues locked, my hands running down your back, gripping your jeans, you unbuckling my belt

Reaching inside, rubbing my hand over your big hard cock, remembering you in my mouth, inside me, legs locked together, I have nails again, running them up your strong thighs…

Licking your neck, one hand gliding over your stomach, fingers slipping inside your panties, finding you hot wet and slippery, licking my fingers tasting you

Back in between my legs, working my clit, inside me, gasping breathless, ripping my jeans off, spreading my legs…

I’m running my cock between your legs, feeling your wetness; you reach down and slowly pull me inside you, your thighs rising up to meet me

Soaking wet, horny as hell, you slide in, slowly, deep, feeling incredible

Turning you over, your knees wide apart on all fours, licking you, gripping your waist and hearing you gasp as I slide inside

Oh pulling me back onto you, gripping me tightly, fucking me so beautifully, harder, just the right angle…

Can’t hold it back, the bed creaking in a frenzy, fucking you faster and faster, my cock soaked in you, gasping and gripping your cheeks tightly

Fuck, pulsing hard, turning into tightness then waves of pleasure as I feel you shudder and release, still probing, drenched in sweat… meet me now

Sweet memories...

You’re kneeling on the bed between my open thighs, fucking me slowly, deliberately, deliciously. At least the third time you have fucked me this  very first night.  

I am hovering between orgasms, incredibly aroused, lazily enjoying the sensations coursing through me as your cock slides in and out, the pillow under my hips creating the a beautifully intense angle.

My right leg is stretched to your shoulder, left leg hooked over your hip, tucked  tight round your back, keeping you close.  Holding my ankle, you turn your head to my foot and kiss it, then graze me with your teeth and instantly I want to fuck you like this forever. I feel a surge tightening my whole body, wetness flooding my cunt, my fingers reach magnetically for my nipples.

You release a low growl and the intensity in your eyes changes, as do your strokes.  My body responds instantly as you take it up a gear, nails running down my thighs, gripping me tight, fucking me harder, deeper

You lean forwards, closer, grinding into me, hands under my arse, nails digging in, drawing me tight as you fuck me relentlessly, sweat drenching your body,  your forehead, my hands all over your chest, shoulders, your neck, feeling your gorgeous body…. pulling you into me as I arch and rise up to meet you.  The muscles in my legs and stomach tensing, contracting involuntarily

You can feel me cumming, hear me cumming, see the flush across my chest and neck as I writhe and buck, soaking your magnificent cock, moaning, gasping.  You bite into my neck and let yourself go, I can feel you throbbing as you release your hot cum deep inside me and collapse into me, kissing my neck.  Absolutely amazing.

Then your soft fingertips languidly stroking my arms, my shoulders, reaching my neck, small electric shocks at every touch, and I know it wont be long before I need you inside me again.

Taking the plunge!

* Tentatively dipping toe in water *


Oh, this is not so bad...  Right, here we are, this shall be my creative outlet for all the barely suppressed filth that is constantly on my mind, bubbling just beneath the surface .  Quite probably tame by the standards of many 'sex' blogs, sorry to disappoint!